youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
