He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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