Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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