Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
