My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
