We got so high we made milksteak
Dignity is for republicans.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
