Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
