oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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