He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
