he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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