I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
