Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
