i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
