Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
