I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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