This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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