Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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