Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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