Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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