So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
