the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
