Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
