So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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