These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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