I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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