There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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