we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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