If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
