So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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