we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
