I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
