she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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