Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
