im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
