I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
