you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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