Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
