btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
