I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
