either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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