it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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