I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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