you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
