The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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