playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
