walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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