alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
