dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
