Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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