He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
