I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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