when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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