I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
